RULES 2 LIVE BY:

Be excellent to each other.
Be careful of women who wear perfume. You can trust them, just be careful.
Don't trust women who go out of their way to insult themselves in front of other people.
It isn't heavy snow unless you can have a decent snowball fight.
There are few words that people enjoy hearing more than their own name.
If you don't know what you want, you probably want sleep.
hundredthmonkey 5 points 4 hours ago[-]

My unwritten rule is to never say "I hate you".
sleep with her before you marry her

Don't do something for others. Teach them how to do it themselves.
 Be openminded.
Always use the turn signal.
Don't road rage.
Don't treat children like you're coming down to their level.
Treat them like you want to bring them up to yours. This makes them feel more equal, smarter and more confident, generally.

Don't do something for others. Teach them how to do it themselves.
Disregard this in the context of the workplace. Protect your skill sets. Make sure you are indispensable.
Wise words. Shame I could never heed them. In all honesty nothing good ever came from protecting knowledge in the salaried postion. The guy below you is your best friend.
My goal is to avoid companies that foster that kind of attitude. I'm all about sharing information and so far I've been rewarded for it... though I guess I might change my mind if it ends up backfiring.
 

Think before you speak when you're unhappy; don't think before you speak when you're happy.
Forgive; nobody is perfect. Apologize; you're not perfect.
Remember to return the things you borrow.
Over-indulge in moderation.
Try hard not to lie. Your life is interesting enough without exaggeration or fabrication.
Don't worry about grades. They're just letters, and you don't worry about the alphabet.
Don't assume other people aren't having just as bad a day as you are.

Whenever using technology on the can: Put it down before you wipe. Pick it up after you wash.
I am a big guy on Karma, just try and be a good, caring, patient person and good things will come in return.
Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.
Whatever happens, happens. Just accept it and have a wank
Never start a land war in Asia.

Try everything once; Experience over money; Try not to go into a store before they're closing; Lie as little as possible, unless the truth is going to really screw you over; Always have a plan, but don't think you'll ever stick to it; Live like water, don't try too hard at something you can't change, move on; Much of life is simply a numbers game, keep trying; Live to your own personal best potential; Always let others speak their mind; Never judge people until you've heard their story, even then, only if you lived it can you "fully" judge them; Give to others the emotion you want for yourself.

Assume everything in life is alive and conscious, you'll respect the world a lot more.
Also, don't go into a restaurant right before they're closing.
Because other people are still dining? And the management insists on letting people in until X, but probably only pays their staff until X, even though they may be there til X + 15 cleaning up after you, even if it's not legal to stiff them on it. And because of this, the staff is going to be pissed at you keeping them late when they're not even going to get paid for it, and they expect you're going to tip like an asshole because you're the inconsiderate sort that comes in right at closing. And then spit in your food. If you're lucky.
Note: have never worked in a restaurant, but can extrapolate from tales of friends, etc.
I've worked at a restaurant. The businesses always pay for the hours that people work, but workers are trained to know what to do at closing time, and when customers are there way past hours, you can't clean up in time. All retail/restaurant workers just want to go home, honestly.

It's kinda like knowing that you're going to leave at a certain time, and then your boss tells you you need to do a project, only you're tired and you aren't being payed a lot.

Be polite to everyone you meet,
but have a plan to kill them, just in case.
Complete all contracts.
All metals are money.

in matters of property, it is always better to ask permission.

If you feel like you're interrupting someone, you probably are. Let them speak.

Pay attention to what other people say and do - if nothing else, it's a good model for how to behave in new situations.

Let people in on the highway. Wave when someone does the same.

Karma is real. If you see the opportunity to help someone else, especially when it doesn't require a big sacrifice on your own part, do it. Even if just for the warm feeling you get.

Cheat and be cheated on. Once. Then you'll never, ever ever do it again.

Things aren't as bad as they feel - really. It's going to be ok.

You may feel like being an asshole is ok, that you're just "being yourself". You may feel like because your friends let you get away with it that they actually like it. You're wrong. Tact is not weakness, restraint isn't a flaw, and being a nicer person actually makes the right kind of people like you more.

If something went wrong, it's my fault. I may not have seen it coming, and it may have not been my responsibility, but I still could have seen it coming if I looked hard enough. I need to learn from whatever happened so it won't happen again.

The Rules:
There are no rules.
It's not fair.
Nobody cares.
There are always rules if you decide to live in a society...
Don't be killing folks.

lNever smoke while laying down.
Never curse the sun. Even if it's shining directly in my god damn eyes when I'm trying to drive.
Wipe front to back.
The craziness of a woman is directly proportional to the height of heel she is willing to wear on any given occasion.
Measure once. Cuss twice.
Don’t eat the big white mint
If you’re gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash
Nobody ever wins a fight
Be nice until it’s time to not be nice
Give me the biggest guy in the world, you smash his knee and he'll drop like stone

two official rules:
1) everything you think you know is possibly incorrect.
2) being wrong is the most important learning tool a person gets in this world.

when being handed a bong with a freshly-packed bowl, light only a small edge or corner of the bowl, so that everyone gets greens.
If you have something nice to say, say it.
I try to live by the Rule of Courtesy, rather than the Rule of Law. Every door I hold, every smile, every thank you is Karma in the bank. You guys like Karma, right?
That's why I always tip generously.
All commercials lie. Verify everything you can.
Don't be immature and resort to violence, instead, use big and condescending words to humiliate them
the underwear goes in the inside.
Everyone has complete freedom to do whatever they want, so long as no harm comes to any other person.

Kid, there are three rules that I live by:
never get less than twelve hours sleep;
never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city;
and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

Do not feel obligated to follow arbitrary rules.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Never take another man's beer.... or kick him in the testicles... both are not funny and will result in severe destruction of you!
Eat cheese as much as possible. And experiment with different cheeses.
"Always take up the whole bed when you can."

Help others any time you can.
Never respond to anger with anger.
Don't ever, ever press the red button.
never cheat on your spouse...in the end it's never worth it and it will ruin your relationship.

In no particular order:
No matter how much you dislike someone, always show them common courtesy
Rule 1 does not apply if that person has harmed you or your loved ones
Don't interfere in peoples' lives unless they directly ask you or if you have a really good reason
Be aware of you surroundings at all times, especially if you're doing things you'd rather other people not know about
Offer kind advice whenever socially acceptable
Laugh whenever possible
Always have an exit strategy
Being impulsive makes you look like a jackass, always think things through
Go outside and look up at the stars, remember how small you are in the grand scheme of things
Understanding of the world around you is the best way to navigate life successfully, learn everything you can
Trust is not the same thing as respect, don't get them mixed up
Don't get involved with women who have kids
Know how to let go of things
Happiness is temporary, enjoy it while you can
Know how to say no to people you love, if you don't, you'll get rolled for everything you have
Double check your work
Avoid, like the fucking plague, loud, attention seeking people who are in it for the glory, money, to be a face, to be a name
Keep a low profile, know how and when to blend into a crowd
Know how to look presentable, you never know when you'll meet someone important
Be selective about what information you give to people, just don't make it look that way

"There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft... When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness." -- Baba, The Kite Runner.

Question everything.
Live as if someone is always watching you.
Take your meds.
No one will ever know what is best for you. No one can ever tell you the right thing to do.
Don't hurt anyone you don't have too.
If someone attacks you remember that there is no such thing as fair. End that fucker ASAP.
Right now and maybe the moment after is all you get. Do something with it.
If you promise something make good on it or fail having done everything in your power to make good on it.
You can sometimes trust a liar, you can never trust a hypocrite.
Work smarter, not harder.
Knowledge is power. Don't be obnoxious. Be good. Do better. Run.
If you have a strategy to get ahead in the world don't brag about it to other people.
"Leave things better than you found them.". So yeah, I usually go out of my way to pick up trash if I see it and such.

If someone saves my ass from either death, embarrassment, or a highly uncomfortable situation, I owe them. If I can't repay the debt in kind they definitely get a beer and can call on me anytime for assistance.
Never betray friends or family.
Never leave your participle dangling.
Practice common sense and courtesy, you share this world with everyone else.
Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, most people just want to poke it with sharp objects.
Life is simple, it's the people that make it complicated.
If I say yes or something of the sort, I follow through with it.
don't call anyone after 10p.
"I ain't never put my gun on nobody who wasn't in the game."
in an argument: touching = crossing the line. talk all u want, but no touching.
Everyone starts out neutral and can earn trust/respect or lose it.
I will bend over backwards to help you any way I can, but if you f me, I'll f you twice as hard.
Do not, under any circumstances, for any reason, in any way touch my stuff without permission.
Start every day with a pot of good coffee and end every day with a bowl of nice ganja.
Pay it forward.
Don't cook bacon naked.
act with honor and put your own self interest first. rules are meant to be bent, only suckers follow rules perfectly
You pee in the stall before you even think of peeing in the urinal next to someone else.
Keep sweet stuff out of lunch and dinner food (other than for dessert). I'm looking at you, Chinese food.
Learn to appreciate yourself - there aren't enough people who will do it for you.

Take every opportunity as if it were your last. Live life.
Do on to others as I do on to myself.
Politeness is free. Spend it.
Remember that you will eventually have to look into a mirror, so live your life in a way that makes you able to look into your own eyes without shame.
Think of others first. (or to be more precise: think ahead about how my actions or decisions might effect people in my vicinity. If/when possible - adjust my actions/decisions so that I can obtain my goal as well as having a positive impact on others.)
Find ways to be more efficient.
Do things right. Even if it takes longer. Even if its more expensive. Taking the time to do things right always pays off in the long run.

If you've had a tough day/week where you've done a good job of doing all the advice above -- then give yourself a little treat (tonight it'll be some hot soup, bread, a fruit juice and some cheesecake/ice cream for desert)
Don't eat the whole tub of ice cream in one sitting.
First, do no harm. Docs use it and I think it makes sense.
Never, ever, under any circumstances rub another man's rhubarb.
Don't eat people. Unless she asks REALLY nicely.

The Silver Rule: Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you.
An it harm none, do what thou will.
Practice being nice, so you get good at it.

"Don't feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that."
Everybody is high as a kite on "something"... mostly "themselves."
Treat accordingly. This includes "us!"
Never sell your stash where you rest at

Whenever watching a commercial, 'reverse' the meaning of everything, from the imagery, the key words, and the general message to approach an approximation of the reality behind the product.

For instance, where I live, the cable TV provider (Foxtel) never ever shows people actually watching television. A typical commercial will show some humans interacting (reverse that) having an 'off-beat' conversation (reverse that) and talking about how it saves money in a tough economic climate (reverse that).

Doesn't work with all ads though, so it's not a hard rule.

Wait at least 2 years before getting the idea and getting the tattoo.
Don't idealize friendships and relationships.
It's not your job to be liked by other people.
If you're going to fight, then fight.
If you do fight, keep your chin down and your hands up.
Accept that you're going to die no matter how careful you are. Live accordingly.
Listen more than you speak. Process what you hear. Don't just wait for your turn to open your mouth.
Better to over comment your code than trying to figure out what poop2222(); does a year from now.